Back to Normal (Whatever That Is)

Who am I kidding? I'm nowhere near back to normal.

For one thing the conference I attended had a profound effect on me -- even more so than the previous two. Yet, perhaps, most likely, because of the previous two, and the cumulative effect. At all three conferences I saw faith, love, and grace lived out by above average Christians. Through their testimonies my faith became bigger, deeper, wider and more complete. Who would have thought? I attribute this to God opening the eyes of my heart.

One keynote speaker caught and summarized the essence of what the Gay Christian Network is all about in her blog.

Please read author/blogger/Christian speaker/ Rachel Held Evans

  http://rachelheldevans.com/blog/gay-christian-network-conference

 

Another attendee wrote his reflections in an article for the Huffington Post

Reflections on the GCN 2014 Conference by Ty McCarthy

For another thing, we started a remodeling project. A year ago we were in the throes of designing a new house. A smaller, tighter, easier to manage retirement house -- our dream home. But sad circumstances arose causing us to abandon that plan. And it's okay really, not the circumstances, but the idea of staying put in this big old drafty full-of-character-and-charm farmhouse. It's okay because we have the means to remodel, and hey, we've been renovating for like 38 years anyway. We'll continue making this our dream home. Eventually we can move our bedroom downstairs and  live on one level. You know, like when we get old. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's just finish expanding the living room. I can't wait to get to the part where we take up the floor. That'll be fun because it's the room in the center of the house and through which you must travel to get to every other room of the house.

It used to look like this...


The alcove where we put our Christmas tree has had an office area on one side and a big closet on the other.

The wall separating the alcove from the living room is gone now. I love changes, the bigger the better. This is big. And right now, this is a big mess...

 

 

These pictures are from last Saturday. Today, Tom and our friend, Steve, put up a ceiling and opened an existing doorway in the middle of that blank white wall. All we need now is to rework the wiring, build a new floor, install a new door or two, dress it up with a little paint and it'll be done. This is so exciting. Check back though. One of these days you'll find me freaking out... What have we done?

But really some things are back to normal. The laundry is caught up and I got to spend a little time with these little girls. A hot cocoa tea party with the little one, and an art extravaganza with the older one.

 

 

  All sunshine and happiness!

Processing...

What a month it's been. I don't want to hit replay in my mind because it wasn't an easy month in so many ways. Of course my mom's passing tops the list as the single most difficult yet blessed event. Blessed because I was privileged to be there, to be with her, to be with my dad and sisters at the very end. Blessed because the hospice nurse helped usher mom into heaven, an unforgettable experience which was horrible and wonderful, amazing and terrifying, joyful and incredibly sad. Blessed because I connected with a cousin I hadn't spent time with in years, and another cousin (in-law) who I got to know so much better, finding we had much in common. Blessed because when my aunt and uncle stood by mom's bedside hours before she left us...she perked up and puckered up to receive a kiss. Proof that she was still so very much with us, yet so very close to leaving us. How could you not cry? How can I keep back tears in the retelling? It was very much like a glimpse of heaven.

I've always felt extra sorry for people who lose loved ones close to the Christmas holiday, but for me it turned out to be a blessed distraction. After Mom passed, I had to do the next thing. I had to get on a plane and go home and make Christmas happen. My children and grandchildren would be arriving in shifts. There were presents to buy and wrap, meals to plan, rooms to prepare -- hurry, hurry, rush, rush, Christmas is a comin'! And there are great expectations to be met. Expectations of my own making.

 

Then there were Christmas services in which to participate, parties to attend, presents to open, sweet time together and reluctant goodbyes, and then a new year to usher in. Good things. Glimpses of heaven.

 

Soon after the new year began, I was off to an annual conference for gay Christians. My third. Attendees at the GCN conference are incredible people, really incredible. There is more talent, kindness, friendliness, grace, compassion, love and Christ-like behavior -- in one very diverse group of people -- than I've ever encountered anywhere. Glimpses of heaven abound.

 

Phenomenal speakers, Rachel Held Evans, Rob and Linda Robertson, and Dr. Christine Wiley, blessed with words from heaven. And the music? Heavenly as well, especially the choir numbers at Sunday morning worship. I'm grateful for all who participated, and especially grateful to Ben Shopland who chose the songs, directed the choir, and sang in both a quartet and a duet along with his dad.

 

Sights and sounds...more than just a glimpse of heaven.

 

It's not quite possible for me to imagine what it's like to be gay and Christian, but I'm glad for all of these people who are. Glad I've rubbed elbows with them, dined with them, worshiped and communed with them. Here, you see, are a bunch of Christians living out their faith in spite of and in the face of persecution...offering Christ's love, mercy, and grace in return. They love and accept those who are different from them. They love and accept me and others like me into their fellowship -- unconditionally. It can't be missed, they are disciples of God. And you'll know they are His disciples by their love.

 

 

Resolutions 2014

I hereby resolve to stop procrastinating.

Who am I kidding? Procrastinating is more than a habit with me, it's a lifestyle -- and I just want to tell you that once in a while it pays off. This morning for instance.

Of course yesterday and the day before I wanted to write a New Year's blog listing my 2014 resolutions. But it didn't happen because I was busy fiddling around with other things (insert "p" word here), all the while thinking about my New Year Resolutions.

This morning I tore into a home improvement project rather than sitting down to write my goals for the year. On a break I read an article by Donald Miller entitled, "Don't Share Your Resolutions." Ha. Perfect.

Thanks to my putting off I didn't make the huge mistake of sharing my goals (resolutions) publicly and thereby losing my motivation to achieve. You see, according to a lecture Mr. Miller heard, goals are great, but...

"When you share a goal publicly,

your brain enjoys the sharing in the same way it enjoys the achievement itself,

 and you’ve lost some of your motivation."

 

It really is a good (short) article. Click here if you'd like to read it.

 

Are you familiar with Donald Miller? I like his writing, but I LOVE the titles he finds for his books! He is the author of Blue Like Jazz, Searching for God Knows What, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, and more. Those are the only ones I've read, and each was better than the last. He has a website and blog for writers and wanna be writers called Storyline, which I highly recommend if you like to write or if you have a life story begging to be told.

 

Really though, I do want to conquer my practice of procrastinating. I'll go make myself a list of resolutions that will help me put that troublesome habit aside. But I won't share the list for fear I'll ruin my chance of success.

 

Now back to peeling the old wallpaper off the living room walls. I began that this morning to delay sitting down and writing. Then I sat down to write this to put off that (the wretched peeling project). You see it really is a vicious cycle this business of procrastinating. In my defense, I usually finish what I start. Eventually.

 

I'm so glad God runs our days and nights in a steady and predictable manner. The sun comes up and goes down on schedule. I wonder if God sees to that himself, or does he assign the task out? There's a job you wouldn't want a procrastinator in charge of. Never mind. I won't likely be asked to do it when I get to heaven -- that is, if we're given jobs in heaven. Still, I'd like to gain victory over procrastination in this lifetime. Maybe even in 2014.  

 

Sunrise on Christmas morning. Right on schedule.

 

Thanks, Dad!

My Dad has thrown me and my blog a lifeline.

I've blogged through some difficult situations, hard times, sad times, good times... as well as deliriously happy times. But I have no point of reference for blogging through this kind of grief -- the sadness of losing my mom. It seems that it happened so fast. From last summer when we were clueless, to early fall when I viewed Mom's diagnosis through rose-colored glasses, to Thanksgiving Day when hospice became part of our family dynamic and shared the news that Mom could have as little as two weeks. In reality we enjoyed her company for about three weeks. Three wonderful, blessed, fantastic weeks to laugh and cry and to say 'I love you' over and over again, and to finally say 'goodbye'.

I'm not ready to write about it, but Dad did.

He needed to inform friends, share his grief, and honor our mom, his wife of 63 years. His words:

 

Dear All:  This is my poor attempt to notify one and all on my address book of the sadness of reporting our loss!  Gloria was the best thing that ever happened to me.................PERIOD.....................

 

Our seven children were a product of her immense "mothering" skills.  When I met her she was a good daughter, a good sister and a great friend to many "buddies"  (her favorite word for her friends) who became my buddies.  I was fortunate that, from the time we first dated, to our last day together, we never had a serious disagreement that couldn't be solved by a few words of concession and a smile!  She taught me how to care and she taught our children how to care!

 

We were most fortunate that we never held back from doing things, just because we couldn't afford them.  That included things as small as buying ice cream cones, going to picnics, taking an overnight getaway, to the more costly things like joining North Fork Country Club and building a house when a close friend made it possible.  These things shaped our life and - without a doubt - made "raising" the Bruce children a joyful adventure!!!!!!

 

Eventually, together, we enjoyed a modicum of success, with a family we were proud of and a comfortable lifestyle that enabled us to do things far beyond our expectations from the early days.  Gloria put up with my impatience and she steered me into a "lifetime" job that we could both be proud of.  If I seem to be using the word "proud" too often it is only because there is no other word that projects our satisfaction with "what we accomplished" together.

 

During the last few months our children, her family, my family and our friends couldn't have been better and more supportive.  I know Gloria felt the love and I will be grateful forever!  Gloria was the most beautiful person I ever knew..............PERIOD

 

With love to all:  Dad, Pop Pop, Dick  (or as Gloria sometimes like to call me) The Duke! 

 

 

My mom and dad, happy and healthy not so very long ago.

 

Gloria and the Duke

 

Watching and Waiting...

And learning about patience.

Have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry.

When you get impatient, you only start to worry.

Remember, remember that God is patient too.

And, think of all the times when others have to wait on you.

 

Songs from The Music Machine, circa 1978, stick in my head like it was yesterday. Those were the years when I made a mission of teaching my children important life traits like patience, along with love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It was a lot to teach, a lot to try to demonstrate every day, in every way -- and I didn't always succeed, not with the teaching part or the demonstrating part. I had a theory that if you could just get the first and last down pat: love and self-control -- the rest would sort of fall into place.

 

Who's with me? (Lucky for us, diligence didn't make the list.)

 

That marvelous kids album came to my rescue and helped me clue my kids in on all nine marvelous character traits known as the fruit of the spirit: love,  joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Nothing is more important than love, which we know in our hearts, even if we don't know the Bible verses, is the greatest command. And if you skip from that to self-control and master it as well, then surely joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and goodness will work themselves out. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Regardless, we played the songs over and over, sang along while working, playing, and swinging on swings. At night the "Peace" song was a favorite lullaby.

 

Peace, peace

I think I understand.

Peace, peace

is holding Jesus' hand.

 

They were songs for kids. Just for kids. But today they are songs for a grown up -- me. They run through my mind bringing me comfort...and peace. When my boys were little I sang those songs and rocked them. And rocked and rocked and rocked. I used to wonder why it took them so long to close their eyes and go to sleep. 

 

Now it's a grown up me replaying those old songs in my mind, singing them to Mom when no one is near enough to hear. Singing and watching and waiting -- patiently -- for her to pass into the presence of Jesus, wondering why it takes so long. 

 

And somehow everything gets mixed up. I think of my mom when I was young. I'm reminiscing about family life, times with my siblings. I call to mind special moments my kids had with their Oma and Pop Pop, my mom and dad, back when they were young grandparents. And then somehow it's my own grandparents I'm remembering and missing. It's all mixed up. All the stages of life with generations coming and going. And I know, like it or not, this is how it should be. This is in the right order, the kindest, best, natural order of life. Like it or not. All our days are numbered. And suddenly we're left with two paradoxical thoughts: Where did the time go? and Why does it take so long?

 



Wait -- I'm Not Ready for Advent

The first week of Advent is upon us. It's supposed to be a time of waiting, watching, and preparing our hearts for the much anticipated coming of Jesus. Apparently I skipped the watching and waiting part, and jumped ahead to the preparing part. Preparing physically, not spiritually: trees are up, house is decorated, stockings are hung -- the ones my mom made throughout the years as my family grew. I've got them all hung by my fireplace, even though it's just me and Tom here now.

I'm doing everything at a frantic pace. Or at least when I'm not walking in circles, talking on the phone, checking in with family in Florida -- I'm working with a sense of urgency. In the past couple of weeks since I've been back from Florida, Tom and I have celebrated Thanksgiving with Adam and Alicia, visited with Aaron, Amy and our dear, sweet, handsome, extremely bright, absolutely delightful grandsons, and hosted a small hunting party on the first day of deer, which happens to be a very important date in these here parts.

Only Steve (far left) got a deer on Monday, but I heard Aaron (far right) got one today.

Pastor Brian and Jesse got skunked too. The guys who didn't have doe tags saw -- you guessed it -- all the doe.

This week I rushed around preparing our house for Christmas... 

Inside tree done. Outside icicle lights hung.

Dining room decorated. Outside tree up and lit.

Was that just one week ago we attended the State College CMA church with our son, his wife, and kids? Last Sunday Aaron began his sermon suggesting that before we rush headlong into the Christmas season we ought to take time to reflect on the thanksgiving season. Beyond Thanksgiving was a welcome and much needed message, one I intended to mull over, take to heart, and practice. But alas, life got in the way. I forgot to get quiet and get with God. I forgot to begin Advent.

All is not lost, I can go back and listen again. Perhaps you'd like to listen-in as well: Beyond Thanksgiving, by Aaron Henning, Dec. 1, 2013 at the State College CMA church. (You may choose audio or video.)

On the re-listen, I'm ready for Advent. I will heed the reminder to express gratitude as a daily habit. I can come into God's presence with thanksgiving any time, all the time. And in that, I think it's wise to put aside my activities and responsibilities and go be with the part of my family who I need to be with most particularly at this time.

So off I go with the well wishes and support of my husband, who is a gem, heading back to Florida to have a little more time with Mom, Dad, and siblings. I'll be watching and waiting, anticipating the Lord coming to us, even as my mom goes to Him. Or watching in delight as He gives us more time together. Either way, we'll bask in His presence, and I'll offer my sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving.

Heaven: It Must Be Very Good

Sadness over hard times.
Serious disappointment.
Loss.

Grief is all of the above, and sometimes it comes upon us as we prepare for loss.

I'm preparing. We're preparing. Our dad is preparing. He's handling the brunt of this difficult and sad time with such tenderness and strength. Dad is our champion and he is Mother's knight in shining armor. He's by her side, helping her through, keeping a promise he made 63 years ago.

Through the years Dad and Mom have shown us kids how wedding vows are kept. They've demonstrated how to honor, love, and cherish in sickness and in health. We're watching, and they are living it out. They're living out the difficult last part of the vow. Until death do us part. The part starry-eyed young people don't even imagine will be part of their future.  But that's the reality folks. Everyone has their turn. No matter how long or short your marriage -- in most cases -- one of you will pass on before the other. And though we all have some trepidation about crossing over, it's the spouse left behind that has the more difficult position. But, as my Dad said to me just the other day, "Everyone goes through this, and it's just our turn."

What do you say to offer comfort at a time like this? I don't know the right words. I'm left wondering how can I help? What can I say or do? What do I even know?

What Do I Know? by Sara Groves



And with that I'm thanking my son, Aaron, for sharing this song with me. Such a comfort I found this song to be. Perhaps it will bless you as well.

Giving Thanks for Family

Tom and I spent Thanksgiving day with our son Adam and his Alicia, her parents and her brother as well. Adam and Alicia's house is very warm and welcoming and easily big enough for all of us! The turkey and ham dinner was a splendid group effort, and although the main burden still fell to the hosts...it was a fabulous dinner and a lighter load for everyone because we all contributed.

 

At least I hope that was the case. You would never know Alicia had surgery less than two weeks ago She seems to be getting along just fine without a gallbladder, but we (Adam, her mother and I) kept encouraging her not to overdo. Our degree of success amounted to this: when it was time for clean up we talked her into sitting on the couch. She dutifully sat. For two minutes, maybe three.

 

I have to say, I can't remember having such a pleasant time working together in the kitchen, from prep to clean up...a good time was had by all.

 

Over dinner we each took time to share something we are particularly thankful for. Family topped the list over and over again -- time with, support of, grateful for. We each shared from our hearts and from our own experiences, our two families with individual but similar circumstances this year. There were tears (it's okay, the potatoes needed salt anyway) and lumps in throats (better than in the gravy) and rather than asking, "Please pass the pepper," it was, "Please pass the Kleenex." Good grief. Seriously, it was a good time of grieving and being thankful, and then -- even -- can you believe?, laughing together. I had almost forgotten how my Adam's eyes sparkle when they leak, and how adorable he looks when he laughs through tears. 

 

Now I'm sounding melodramatic, and all I meant to say was, we had a wonderful time and very thankful Thanksgiving day. I hope you did too. Love, Betsy

Lucky Me...

The month of Thanksgiving continues. People post what they are most thankful for each day. I'm cognizant of amazing blessings and only hope I don't overlook the smallest ones. But I don't often enough take time to voice my thanks, except maybe in prayer. Perhaps these pictures give voice to what has blessed me most this month...time with Mom and Dad.

Nadine and I had a great week in Florida or as my Dad likes to call it, Paradise... Lucky us.



Mom giving directions

Something was pretty funny...but I don't remember what.

 

Last morning...the sun's coming up and we're heading out.

The favorite nurse (in yellow) doubled as cook, cleaner, yard worker, and all around good friend.
The pleasant patient (in stripes) up early. Up, but not quite at 'em!

 

Saying goodbye over a cup of coffee

at dark thirty.

I'm very grateful for a wonderful time with Mom and Dad... Lucky me!

So Much for Balmy...

To survive in these here parts you better love the change of seasons. And the change back, and the change ahead, and the change again, and... Case in point, that balmy weather in early November, of which I spoke in my previous post was followed by this:

 

I took this picture the morning I left home for a week in Florida. While I was gone the snow melted and Tom finished clearing the last of the fallen leaves from the lawn. He took advantage of fair weather preparing for winter -- not a day too soon. I returned to typically chilly fall weather. Then it got colder, and rained, and the wind blew, bringing in a winter storm, which dumped a foot of snow on us. I'm wishing I could go back to Florida. It's especially nice to leave for warm climes when you're leaving snow behind.

While down south with my friend, Nadine, we enjoyed temps in the 70's and 80's. We sat out on the lanai in our jammies and watched the sunrise in the mornings. In the evenings while we were getting dinner ready, Mom and Dad made sure the sun got itself set good and proper. They occupied their rockers and took in the peaceful, beautiful sunset...as is their daily habit. What a nice routine, don't you think?

Nadine and I had the after-dark shift in the rockers, or the hot tub, or out walking -- some nights all three. Sitting, soaking, or walking, we marveled at the full moon, the lead up to it, and the couple of days after, and the warm weather. Simply gorgeous. Even the cloudy nights were stunning.

"The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;

where morning dawns, where evening fades,

you call forth songs of joy." Psalm 65:8

I have no night time pictures, but here are some photos of the flowers, shrubs, trees, yard, and the showy visitors we enjoyed.

 

 

Gorgeous birds, these Sand Hill Cranes, absolutely gorgeous.

Aha! Here's the real attraction.

A bird feeder. And I am a bird, am I not?

Because you are nice enough to feed me, I'll let you take my picture close up.

I took these pictures last week a thousand miles south of here. Today, at home, we're shoveling snow. Such extremes!